Archive for March, 2010

Wrestlemania 26 Review

It only comes once a year and kids and grown ups alike, around the world, always feel that tingle in their bones as the countdown hits zero and the magic begins.. – no, not Christmas, I hear you cry – but, rather (in the style of Mr. McMahon..)Wrestlemaniaaaaaaaaaaaaarggggggh!!!!!!

Last night’s Wrestlemania, the 26th edition of the most prestigious event in the wrestling world, had a card with the potential to be one of the all time greatest Wrestlemania’s, if not the best.  But could it live up to its hype?  Take my palm as I take you through the streets of Niko and give the final say on WM26.

But before we begin, I’m sure you are wondering why I am overlooking the real news of the day – which is that Chechen terrorists have targeted my home country once again with a vile terrorist attack on the Moscow subway.  I simply have not got the words to express how infuriated I am at this continued monstrosity of a cult, this cancer upon the earth – and partly too with all the cunts who overlook this cultural threat to our global society in the misguided attempt of being “nice”.  Fuck you all.  Especially the mainstream media who cover up who this scum really is, time and time again with words like “gunmen”, rather than you-know-what.  I won’t say it myself, why should I?  But if you don’t know what I mean, then learn the facts, know history – only then may you sit back and enjoy Wrestlemania.

Now on with my WM26 review.. before we begin, let me introduce you to my rating system

?/10 – Interestingness of match
?/10 – Comedy amount
?/10  – Eyeroll rating

Ok I think thats simple enough, so…

Match 1 – Miz-Show vs. John Morrison and R-Truth
I think the majority of us just spent most of this match admiring the spectacular setup that WWE had, whilst we dined on our snacks.  Everything about it was amazing – the whole pyramid titantron and eye of horus shit was an epic nod to our civilisation’s rich history and nothing is better than an open arena for wrestling shows.  Seeing the first match in the day time, with the slow progression to the main event in the night – its just a thing of dreams.  The golden hue on the lighting in the evening was so classy too, and it really emphasised the importance of the event – just amazing.  WWE’s production levels are the best in all of entertainment.  The match itself I didn’t care fore, was just a generic Raw tag team match with the obvious Big Show’s super-punch finish.  I still find it hard to buy the fact Big Show’s finisher is a punch, when his initial moves in every match are punches anyway… 

0/10
2/10
2/10

Match 2 – Legacy triple threat
…but its not as hard to believe as Randy Orton as a good guy.. what the fuck?  And the crowding cheering for the punt, which is the most evil move in wrestling today..  That was almost as sick and disgusting as Bret’s actions against Vince in their match, but more on that later.  This was another boring match that I could care less about, and the biggest surprise was Cody Rhodes coming out to his 2007 era music and attire.  Proper laughed at that
2/10
4/10
5/10

Match 3 – Money In The Bank
So the first 2 matches were both boring duds, but this is where the show was going to begin we all thought – WWE’s annual spotfest.  I’m not really a fan of such matches, but at least the cheap thrills would get the excitement going.. but it never worked out like that.  Instead it was just a total botchfest, with overly complex ladder spots being messed up.  Just a total embarrassment for everyone involved and was probably as boring as the first 2 matches.  I’m just glad Christian didn’t win, that would have been unbearable, Jack Swagger was probably the best choice even though I was rooting for the big red retard Kane
2/10
5/10
6/10

Match 4 – Triple H vs. Sheamus
Missed this match but sounded fucking crap from the sounds of it, was this shaping up to be the most boring Wrestlemania ever?  All I saw of it was the weird cylinder thing descending on Triple H’s entrance.. what the fuck?  He gets that before hes even started the match?  Nevermind it being a fucking pointless match.. proper pissed myself at that

0/10
4/10 (just for Triple H’s entrance with the cylinder coming down)
0/10

Match 5 – CM Punk vs. Gay Mysterio
So after the first 4 matches of complete shit, we were finally going to get a good match I thought.  I love to hate Mysterio with his talking in Spanish and squeaky voice shit and stupid mask.  To me, hes like John Cena is to most of the stupid “smarks” in the audience who boo Cena incessantly despite his brilliant athleticism, colossal promos and increasingly great wrestling skills.  But despite this fact, I love to watch Rey’s matches – he’s so entertaining and always innovative.  Not only this, but CM Punk is the perfect match for him at the moment in terms of rivalries, and vice versa.  This match was destined to be a classic, especially with the stipulation of Rey having to join the Straight Edge Society, a.k.a. the best faction since the Right To Censor, if he lost the match.  So CM Punk and cut a generic promo which was great, then Rey botched his entrance which was hilarious – then came out in an ode to Avatar or something… Reminded me of his stupid ode to Heath Ledger last year, the fucking little geek.  The match begun and I was on the edge of my seat, for what seemed like 2 minutes, before Rey hit the 619 and got the pin.  Again I was like “What the fuck???”  What about the potentially great storyline of Rey turning into one of the straight edge zombies that follow the saviour CM Punk around.  What happened the great wrestling match to kick off the show, after the first 4 flop matches?  Alas, twas not to be, thusly I was left hoping for better things in the next match which was of course the long-awaited…

0/10
2/10
6/10

Bret the shitman Fart being a bitter bastard as usual

Match 6 – Bret “the shitman” Fart vs. The Greatest Of All Time
Readers of this blog know my love for Vince is no secret – he is my favourite wrestler in history.  As well as this, I am on Team Vince when it comes to the Montreal Screwjob too – not out of bias, but simply because I believe Vince was right.  If Bret was going to WCW and turning his back on the man who brought him up like a 2nd father and gave him a platform to be a global superstar on – then why the fuck should he retain the world title on his last night and take it to WCW?  Does nobody else realise how ludicrous this would have been for the WWE to allow?  And of course, Bret having a bigger ego than Triple H, he wouldn’t let Michaels beat him in front of his “home crowd” (What an excuse 

Anyway, I can overlook all that and just have enjoyed the match for what it was and accepted Bret was obviously going to win.  Bret came out in his moronic skater boy clothes as usual looking like a fucking tit.  Then Vince came out and the whole double cross “twist” was predictable and boring.. but what came after that was truly disgusting.  This was just 10 minutes of Bret Hart legit hitting a 62 year old man.  How can anyone be expected to cheer for Bret, who is obviously the “heel” guy here – he has held this bitterness over something so stupid for 13 years and takes it out on Vince by legit twatting him with a chair.  Vince’s crying was real and the whole thing was just awkward and sickening to watch.  Even the audience in attendance didn’t cheer because it was that pathetic.  This fucking moron in his skater clothes beating up a guy in his sixties for something petty and trivial that happened over a decade ago.  Unbelievable.  He should fuck off to TNA with all the other bitter bastards.

0/10
6/10
10/10

Match 7 – Chris Jericho vs. Edge
Yesss, at last, a match guaranteed to be good.  As much as Edge is shit as a “face”, this is still a decent rivalry and the video promo is class despite the whole “spear” crap.  I can’t buy that move as a finisher, even Big Show’s punch is better than that.  Especially from someone as puny looking as Edge.  And the “spear, spear, spear” chant works about as much as “Edge, edge, edge” would.  But I could easily overlook that for what was bound to be a great match between the best in the world at what he does and the rated PG superstar.

But again, I was totally dissapointed.  This match started off slow, which I thought would have been okay, but it never went anywhere at all.  We all laughed at how pathetic the little offence Edge got in was and the fast he didn’t even hit his stupid spear after all that build up.  The posse I watched the show with, we all joked about how funny it would be if he didn’t even hit the spear after all that build up, and then he didn’t.  Like everyone else, we were rooting for Y2J and were delighted when he won, but really underwhelmed.   This match wouldn’t have been out of place on Smackdown – this is meant to be Wrestlemania for fucks sake!  And Edge needs to turn heel again already if he wants to be taken seriously.  Yet another dissapointment, but if there is a rematch at “Extreme Rules” it should be better

4/10
7/10
3/10

Match 8 – Batista vs John Cena
I knew this match would steal the show and my prediction was right – finally a match that was worthy of the hype.  This was a great match, despite the cunts in the first row trying to put off Cena with the big Cena Sucks sign.  I did laugh hard at that though, how funny was it…

The match was all what Wrestlemania is about though – the biggest guys in the industry going at it for the World Title.  Batista, I always hated as a “face”, but since his “heel” turn hes been fucking amazing.  His whole look and personality totally suit being this fearless, egotistical heel character which is exactly what WWE was missing with all their wimpy heels who need to cheat to win.  Cena is brilliant as the good guy too and I wish the booing fat cunts would fuck off with that shit already.

Anyway, the match was great and really well paced and even though the Summerslam reversal was a little botched it was a great moment for followers of this fantastic rivalry.  I started up a chant of “this is wrestling”, but the other 70000 morons in attendance didn’t seem to catch on.

As much as I like Batista at the moment, I’m still Cena’s #665 fan and thusly I “marked out”, as they say, when he made Batista tap.  The whole kicking out of the FU and Batista bomb was obvious though, especially due to Michael Cole’s over-selling.  Speaking of Cole, I wish he would fuck off now.  I defended Cole to the end, but the last year or so he has really began to grate on me.  His new found confidence is what has done it.. I preferred it when he was the poindexter alongside JBL – in my opinion the greatest commentary team of all time.

And Cena posing with the faggot fans at the end with the anti-Cena shirt was fucking hilarious, totally trolled them back.  Get in 

8/10
6/10
2/10

Taker as the fucking gay "American Badass" in his prime

Match 9 – HBK vs Undertaker
For starters, let me just clarify how much I detest The Undertaker.  I was rooting so badly for HBK to win this because I hate the “deadman” and his fucking gay “streak”.  Here’s hoping this is the last time he ever main events Wrestlemania, because after HBK not winning this I can never buy that anyone will be credible enough to beat the streak.

That said, this was a great match, perhaps just about worth the crazy amount of hype.  It was a little different than last year in a sense, but still really it was just finisher after finisher with kickouts – except with Cole cumming in his pants, voice breaking instead of Good ol’ JR.   I was one of the minority who felt last years match was good, but slightly overrated.  But still, compared to the rest of the crap on this show, this was easily the 2nd best match of the night.

I was still shocked a couple of times with some of the kickouts and some of the innovative spots were great – like HBK’s reversal of the Hell’s Gate into a pin… that was brilliant, and the moonsault when we were all rolling our eyes going “here comes the big elbow again”, that was a shocker

But the fact it was just choke slam, tombstone, superkick etc. 100 times overall  took away from the match in my opinion.

Also, I fucking detest The Undertaker’s entrance usually – but this one with all the lasers and that even had me, the most ardent ‘Taker hater going “wow!”.  It looked simply stunning from our near-front row seats, and I guess you can’t really appreciate it until you see it in person.

What turned this from a “good” match to a “great” match though was really the ending.  Undertaker showing he had a soul when he stopped the “rest in peace” motion was a great moment, as well as HBK’s final troll moment by doing it back to ‘Taker anyway.  Then, Shawn’s walk of shame out the arena was fantastic, with the prayers to God and such – really an epic moment.  Lets hope he doesn’t end up in TNA blading in front of a few hundred ungrateful smark fags every week like another “retired” legend.

9/10
7/10
3/10

Overall thoughts
Despite the fact the whole thing was totally underwhelming compared to what we all expected, and even shambolic in parts, it was still great fun to watch.. it is Wrestlemania after all, it only comes once a year and still gave us a few “Wrestlemania moments” for us to enjoy on Youtube in a few years time.

My final WM rating:

4/10
10/10
3/10

And whats the most important thing in life?  Laughter .  So in that sense, WM was a roaring success.. bring on next year, when we finally get the dream match of the battle of the balds – Goldberg vs. Steve Austin, or failing that, Goldberg vs. Gillberg.. or how about Bret Hart gets his ultimate revenge on Goldberg, the cunt who ruined his career?  I can back him for that at least

To be honest though, I would still root for Goldberg.. Spear, Spear, Spear!

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On Destiny, via Chelsea vs. Arsenal

Buenos dias, salutations and hello and welcome to the latest edition of Refined Ways!

Sitting here, on a Tuesday evening, after watching the fantastic new episode of LOST – it came to my attention in a random though process that I haven’t got a clue what any scores have been between Chelsea and Arsenal in the past few seasons.  Infact, never.

Much is spoken of the London derby when it comes around, with Sky Sports always covering the game with only their finest production team on the hype-inducing video packages – but really, has there ever been a classic game involving the two teams?

Thinking of the premier league, pull 2 of the top teams out of the air and you can pretty much think of a classic match in recent seasons.  Liverpool and Chelsea for example, or Arsenal and Manchester United even – but Chelsea and Arsenal?  No, not really.

And this is coming from a former Chelsea fan (I won’t bore you with the details)

If you think about it though, it all makes sense.

I believe in the notion of destiny, in that everything happens in accordance to the way of hashem, or God, if you will.  In the sense that, we can take our own paths in our lives, and our souls may float whichever way the wind blows – but ultimately, we all arrive at the same destination.  “A person often meets his destiny on the road he took to avoid it”, once quipped the 17th century French poet Jean De La Fontaine.

And so whether Alan Shearer had signed for Man United or not after his rite de passage season with Blackburn Rovers in 1995, the result would still have always been the same.  The Red Devils’ rise to glory had been written in stone long before the notion of soccer even existed, indeed, long before the first grain of sand had fallen in the hourglass we know as life.

And so when we look back, twenty years from now, will we remember Chelsea, Arsenal or Manchester United?  Ask the average football fan who won the 1995 premiership title and they’re likely to say Manchester United.  In the year 2525, will we remember John Terry wailing like a baby as his life comes crashing down around him, or Wayne Rooney’s emergence as the best player in the world today?

And that, my friends, is why Manchester United will win the Premier League this season

“So it is written, so it shall be done” – Moses

God bless.
Niko.

“i regard the existence of he to be a conjecture of sorts”, a musing.

why waste your life debating the trivial question on whether God exists, when true faith in he opens the door to vastly deeper and more fascinating ruminations on life and death?

On Disappointment…

We always deceive ourselves twice about the people we love; first to their advantage, then to their disadvantage.
Anonymous

And so, it is to be.  Tis to be, the end of my trilogy.  Aye..

Over the past week, as a budding scribe I have had ample opportunity to vent my feelings toward mine readership, but alas, I have not put quill to parchment for two or three nights.  Speaking of my fans – apologies for not replying to all your emails and comments yet – I simply have not the time!  Though, I plan to soon reply to some, if you bare with me for the time being.

As you have read this week, my thoughts have fluctuated greatly and i have drawn great inspiration for my writings, musings and such from the breakup with a friend i held very dearly.  To recap for newer readers to this journal – a friend of mine named Derek Tang decided to turn his back on me in recent weeks because I made a passing comment about him posting pictures of his children on the internet with death related humour.  I found the pictures to be somewhat gruesome in nature and certainly not humourous as he had intended.  Derek grew angry at my continued comments, as he spitefully posted more and more pictures that I deemed unsuitable for public viewing.

Relations began to severe in a private conversation over the forum, Maxxed’s Football Forums (“fbtz”), where I questioned his judgment and parenting skills.  Of course, I had no right to make such comment, but as a hot-headed young male I am prone to such mistakes and can act rather impulsively at the worst of times.  However, I did send numerous apology letters, as well as 2 discourses I posted earlier on “Refined Ways”, however the message has not gotten through.  Tang still insists there is no reason for us to make friends once again.

Thusly, I am disappointed.

Steven Gerrard of Liverpool F.C., disappointed with his terrible season with the free-falling soccer club.

Dissapointment can manifest itself in many ways, and as humans we all suffer from such feelings.  In the case of myself and Derek Tang, such feelings of disappointment came when Tang delivered the final nail in the coffin and told me of his lack of desire to reconcile things between us.  Of course, this was via an Anonymous source, as I have no way of getting in touch with Tang.

But Derek, if you are reading this, I beg of you to forgive me one last time.  For this blog will be my final entry regarding our broken dreams of friendship.  It is the end to a trilogy of discourse I have painstakingly wrote in the past week or so, and it shall also be my final nail in the coffin.  However, Mr. Tang, all coffins have lids.  Will you open the lid?

I have provided you with detailed analysis of my redemption and my frustration of being censored.  I now have opened a door to my soul and shown you of the epic sadness that has blackened my being and turned me utterly sour.  My expression of disappointment.

But disappointment is a funny old feeling.  It of course has given me a reason to write once more, which is always a good thing.  And it can be said, that such feelings – dissapointment, regret, depression, sadness – are necessary to live a good and full life.  For without a trough, we can have no peak.  If life were but a straight line, I would not have the spirit of God within me.  I would not be human (or I would be on prozac, living my life like a robot…).

Thusly, without such a feeling as disappointment, I could not feel the immense joy and happiness that I would receive if you, Mr. Derek Tang, would kindly rekindle the flame of friendship and we can continue as we were.

It has been a long, hard week for me and hopefully this last expression of sorrow – my final discourse in this monumental trilogy – will be what can turn this unfathomable trough into a celestial peak, if you will.  Hopefully, Derek, if I can call you by your first name publically once more – you will be my friend again.  I beg of you, don’t disappoint me once more.

God bless.
Niko.

On Redemption

How to deal with stubbornness?

It saddens my heart to think that mere days ago I had an acquaintance, whom today, I can no longer count as a friend.  Not only this, but I was cruelly denounced and outcasted by he and his cronies, on the forum, Maxxed’s Football Forums (fbtz).

His name is Derek Tang.

Derek Tang preaches to be a man of the lord, a servant of the Christ – which is why it infuriates me even more-so when I recall the horrendous events that took place in the “Lolcat” thread to friends, family and fellow scribes.  I, too, am a man of the Christ.  I worship the lord, for I am his servant and by body is his gift unto mine soul.  For this reason, how can I as a man hurt another living being?

But, alas, I did.  For when Eve took a bite of the forbidden fruit on the Tree of knowledge – that hot summers eve in the garden of Eden.  Her thirst was to be quenched with the delicious juices of the apple, and thusly, we as God’s children have since lost our innocence.  We have encompassed the darkness of Satan, as well as the light of the lord and here we stand today.  Indeed, I am not perfect, but neither is Derek Tang.

On this occasion I reminisce of the line “Who redeemeth thy life from destruction; who crowneth thee with lovingkindness and tender mercies” from Psalm 103:4, which in short says do good for man and repent your sins and you shall too be blessed.  If Tang, as he says, is truly a man of the Christ, then surely he also too believes in redemption.   Surely Tang sees the efforts I have made strenuously to redeem myself with repentance of the sincerest order.  Tang may wear spectacles, but I know of his soul and he is not a blind man.  Superficially he may have four eyes, but his mind’s eye need not a contact lens.  He surely can see my pain, my suffering as I have seen his also.

Tang, can you forgive a man who has repented for his evil?  Can you deliver a man to salvation?  If again you are stubborn towards me, then you must question yourself as a man of the church and perhaps even step down from the role you take there.  To be a man of the Christ, you must at least put effort into following his order and his creed.

Mr. Tang – I again ask, do you forgive me?

God bless.
Niko.

Art is not subjective, a small thought..

In one paragraph I can prove my theory correct that the merit and importance of artwork is objective and not subjective as has prevailed in modern thought.

Classical music contains the divine spirit of God and so it is objectively superior to rap.  Rap music is closer to Neanderthal tribal music – banging on rocks and such, with no real effort or soul attributed to its creation.  Tribal music was of an age before the first human was born in the garden of Eden, Adam and Eve – for what is a human, but a beast with the spirit of God inside of him?  Thusly, if God is objectively all that is perfect and divine, then classical music is objectively superior to rap.  And let’s face it – Beethoven’s 9th is infinitely better to listen to than “In Da Club,” we all know that deep down in our heart.

I intend to write a discourse on the subject at large in the future, however this little apple can whet your appetite for the time being.

God bless.
Niko.

On Censorship

“We have a natural right to make use of our pens as of our tongue, at our peril, risk and hazard.” – Voltaire

Since my arrival on the forum, Maxxed’s Football Forums (colloquially known as “fbtz”), I have sparked outrage through insightful, albeit controversial debate.  I know as a scribe I can be somewhat exasperating, to put it bluntly – my mailbox is full of angered, unthinking, knee-jerk rants toward my daily discourse – but know, my friends, that my intentions are all well and good and my heart is pure and righteous.  Though I may opt to take the black side of the chess board in the game of life, without me, life could not exist as we know it – colourful, divine, beautiful… wonderful.  For what is sight, when it is obscured by absolute light?

Yin and Yang is a deceivingly simple, yet intriguingly complex concept in ancient Chinese philosophy that can be applied to my being within the forum and my relationship with, say, Derek Tang (also of “fbtz”).  Me and Derek are two contrasting figures that can be seen as complete opposites – or he is the Jacob to my “Smoke Monster”, to take a contemporary view.  That is not to say we are both righteous, it is just that we take our own seperate, conflicting life paths.  But without ideological collision within debate, progress can not be made.  Derek is a fine man, a family man who loves his wife and child.  His personality contrasts greatly from mine however, but that is not to say I am not also a loving family man.  Indeed, I find nothing more appealing than looking after my loved ones – as family is the cornerstone of life.  However, I digress.

The point of my discourse is to state that without mine and Derek’s recent fracas within the now-infamous “Lolcat” thread, certrain progresses would not have been made within our forum.  True, it was a horrendous moment in the forum’s short, but celebrated history – but it is from moments such as these that a phoenix will rise from the ashes and show us the light within dark spaces.  Black and white, dark and light.  Thusly, yin and yang.

God bless.
Niko.