On Disappointment…

We always deceive ourselves twice about the people we love; first to their advantage, then to their disadvantage.

And so, it is to be.  Tis to be, the end of my trilogy.  Aye..

Over the past week, as a budding scribe I have had ample opportunity to vent my feelings toward mine readership, but alas, I have not put quill to parchment for two or three nights.  Speaking of my fans – apologies for not replying to all your emails and comments yet – I simply have not the time!  Though, I plan to soon reply to some, if you bare with me for the time being.

As you have read this week, my thoughts have fluctuated greatly and i have drawn great inspiration for my writings, musings and such from the breakup with a friend i held very dearly.  To recap for newer readers to this journal – a friend of mine named Derek Tang decided to turn his back on me in recent weeks because I made a passing comment about him posting pictures of his children on the internet with death related humour.  I found the pictures to be somewhat gruesome in nature and certainly not humourous as he had intended.  Derek grew angry at my continued comments, as he spitefully posted more and more pictures that I deemed unsuitable for public viewing.

Relations began to severe in a private conversation over the forum, Maxxed’s Football Forums (“fbtz”), where I questioned his judgment and parenting skills.  Of course, I had no right to make such comment, but as a hot-headed young male I am prone to such mistakes and can act rather impulsively at the worst of times.  However, I did send numerous apology letters, as well as 2 discourses I posted earlier on “Refined Ways”, however the message has not gotten through.  Tang still insists there is no reason for us to make friends once again.

Thusly, I am disappointed.

Steven Gerrard of Liverpool F.C., disappointed with his terrible season with the free-falling soccer club.

Dissapointment can manifest itself in many ways, and as humans we all suffer from such feelings.  In the case of myself and Derek Tang, such feelings of disappointment came when Tang delivered the final nail in the coffin and told me of his lack of desire to reconcile things between us.  Of course, this was via an Anonymous source, as I have no way of getting in touch with Tang.

But Derek, if you are reading this, I beg of you to forgive me one last time.  For this blog will be my final entry regarding our broken dreams of friendship.  It is the end to a trilogy of discourse I have painstakingly wrote in the past week or so, and it shall also be my final nail in the coffin.  However, Mr. Tang, all coffins have lids.  Will you open the lid?

I have provided you with detailed analysis of my redemption and my frustration of being censored.  I now have opened a door to my soul and shown you of the epic sadness that has blackened my being and turned me utterly sour.  My expression of disappointment.

But disappointment is a funny old feeling.  It of course has given me a reason to write once more, which is always a good thing.  And it can be said, that such feelings – dissapointment, regret, depression, sadness – are necessary to live a good and full life.  For without a trough, we can have no peak.  If life were but a straight line, I would not have the spirit of God within me.  I would not be human (or I would be on prozac, living my life like a robot…).

Thusly, without such a feeling as disappointment, I could not feel the immense joy and happiness that I would receive if you, Mr. Derek Tang, would kindly rekindle the flame of friendship and we can continue as we were.

It has been a long, hard week for me and hopefully this last expression of sorrow – my final discourse in this monumental trilogy – will be what can turn this unfathomable trough into a celestial peak, if you will.  Hopefully, Derek, if I can call you by your first name publically once more – you will be my friend again.  I beg of you, don’t disappoint me once more.

God bless.

    • Spastic
    • March 14th, 2010

    I’ve sent the PM.

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